Thursday, December 6, 2012

The shadows are sometimes difficult to shake.

I missed November somewhere. Decisions are difficult and life has felt a little like that moment when you lose control of the car on the ice and you're suddenly doing 60 backwards down a highway and there is nothing you can do about it. Just a little bit like that.

But I'm still here, though a little fragile and bruised at the moment. I have never been good at making decisions. I second guess myself, mire myself in angst and woe-laden tears, and generally get myself so worked up that rational thought is impossible. But a few things this week helped me find a little center again. I got to do the chicken dance with a preschool class. I can't tell you how liberating that is. And now I know it and when the chance comes up again, I'll be prepared. I got to squeeze my niece and there is nothing better than the big 4-toothed grin of a 9 month old to make you feel much better even if her diaper just leaked on your pants. And I had the good sense (mostly thanks to my very wise spouse's advice) to turn down a job that would have been my absolute dream job ten years ago because I wouldn't get to play Jenga or color with kids if I took it. Ten years ago I didn't care about the chicken dance or teaching kids how to hold a pencil, but apparently now I do and so I can't go back.

It is hard work to listen to your soul talking. Honestly, I'm completely exhausted. But the holiday break is almost here and decisions are being narrowed and even though my dog is a hundred and four, she still wags her tail and takes me for a walk. What could be better than that?


P.S. And because I know you're going to ask, no, I don't know where we are moving yet. Safe to say it isn't Utah though.

5 comments:

  1. Love that quote. We just watched the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (where it came from- or where it was quoted?). I hope you get to do lots more chicken dances in the near future! Then weave a chicken dance tapestry......

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  2. What a brilliant quote! Sort of says it all, doesn't it? And yes I know about those sorts of decisions. Sometimes in this day and age of constant, frenetic activity it can be hard to not feel oneself pulled into the middle of the maelstrom. Seems you have a good soul mate there ready to advise you on what is best for you!

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  3. Great quote! I also have trouble making decisions, but only about half the time. Great picture here, also. It is new, isn't it?

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  4. The picture is new Sherri. Thanks for noticing! More info coming on that this weekend. I had some portraits taken and they turned out quite well.

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  5. To hear a soul talking takes some quiet time. Sometimes a lot of quiet time. Once you begin to hear the whispers, though, it's always wise to listen.

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